Buttplay For Beginners

Buttplay for Beginners with Morgan Penn, Sexologist

It’s only recently we’ve started seeing butt play as an ooh la la pleasurable experience rather than a holy heck hell no experience, so if you’re lacking knowledge or simply curious about the taboo act, we’ve got you, girl.

Getting off is your game; Morgan Penn is her name, and she has all the saucy tips for butt play newbies, the first being lube, lube and oh, more lube.

Shall we crack into it? 

Connect with your booty

When it comes to butt play, it’s all about surrendering into your own body, so you want to lay down a solid foundation first - especially if you’re playing with someone else as you’re allowing them near a sacred part of your body.

Go into this with a good relationship with your anus and your butt. Morgan suggests starting with some anal breathing. Start by imagining your anus is the only place you can get air and start breathing in and out. Put your full presence in the anus.  You’ll soon notice blood will start to flow to the area which will help create arousal.

If you would prefer to keep breathing out of your mouth, another way of getting familiar with your bootylicious behind is by getting a little experimental in the shower.

Start by feeling around the first sphincter of your anus (the ridged area), then when you’re comfortable, push a little bit deeper until you feel a smoother tissue and begin massaging the area.

Debunking the rumours

Some risks come with anal sex and butt play, as well as loads of rumours, but how accurate are they?

  • Tears: The bad news is that the anus can tear really easily because the tissue of the anus is thin, but the good news is you can avoid tears by going slow, being careful and warming up.
  • STIs: There aren’t many studies on the relationship between anal sex and STI spread, but one thing that has been proven is that HIV has a higher transmission rate through anal sex than vaginal intercourse. So always wrap before you tap.
  • Double dipping: You might have seen it in porn, but IRL, double dipping from the butt to the vagina is an immediate no due to bacteria mixing.
  • Pain: Yes, it can be uncomfortable at first, but it shouldn’t be painful, and if it is, you shouldn’t continue - this applies to both parties.


That whole poo thing 

We’ve all heard the poo rumours, and while it can happen, it’s actually very rare.

Yes, poo might be involved in the situation because that’s where it’s supposed to be. Still, your anal canal and rectum normally contain little, if any, faeces. 

This is where listening to your body comes into it, so if you know you need to go to the toilet, go.

Wham bam, no thank you, Ma’am

There will be no wham bam; thank you ma’aming when it comes to butt play. Instead, there will be regular check-ins.

As for ways to speed up the process? That’s a big no-no. Some people use pain-relieving creams or medication, but it’s best to stay away from these methods as they override the body’s natural pain responses. You want to know how your body is feeling at all times, so if a sensation is painful, you can take it as a sign that your body isn’t ready yet and can pull back from the experience.

Always honour the body. 


Getting started with Buttplay

If you’ve read through all of the above and decided you would like to try butt play or anal with your partner, the next step is talking to them about it. 

The best time to do this is when you’re both fully relaxed and in a good mood - for example, after a steamy sex session.

A good way to start the conversation is by telling your partner how you feel, how safe you feel in your connection with them and that you would like to explore something new - which could be butt play. 

By having this open conversation it creates a safe space where they can ask any questions, express their worries, curiosities and maybe even fantasies. It also helps build trust which is an important foundation of anal sex and other sexual acts. 

Now that you’ve graduated from foreplay let’s get into it (no pun intended). 

It’s all about owning your feelings. 



  • Lube: This is not optional. Grab some lube, then get some more. Your butt doesn’t self-lubricate, so it’s more the merrier. As for what type? Water-based or silicone is your best bet. Silicone will last longer but don’t use it with silicone toys because that will ruin your toys, and no one wants that.
  • Condoms: These are your best friends when it comes to preventing mess and STIs. You can just use a finger condom or a penis-sized condom depending on how you want to play.
  • Toys: Butt plugs are great for foreplay, they come in many different sizes and are a very natural shape, plus they won’t get lost in the black hole of your butt due to the flared base. If you’re looking for something bigger, strap-ons are great for the main event. They are perfect for all sexes because you get to penetrate and do butt stuff even if you aren’t a penis owner.
  • Fingernails: If you plan to explore an anus with your fingers, have short fingernails or wear latex gloves.
  • Cleaning: An enema is great for your own peace of mind, but they aren’t a must. If you do want to use one, you can buy an enema bulb from the chemist specifically designed for this purpose. Coffee can also help. Most people know coffee gets the bowels going, so you can have some to make it a lot easier to empty out your bowels, preferably 2-3 hours before butt play.



Before performing this sexual act, you want to trust your partner and have a comfortable environment; you can do this by:

  • Eye gazing: The intimate act is something many struggle with, which is why it’s a great trust exercise.
  • Showering or bathing together:
  • This can help put you both at ease when it comes to the cleanliness factor and is also great for relaxing the body. 
  • Create a comfortable space: Try making the room a good temperature, have some blankets on hand, fresh sheets, light candles or even put on some music. It’s helpful to have your toys and lube close by.



A full-body massage will help relax the body. 

  1. Lie on your stomach with your legs out straight 
  2. Have your partner lather massage oil on your body
  3. Have your partner start the massage at your feet, making slow movements before slowly moving their way up your body until they reach your butt
  4. Now that you’re relaxed and before anything is inserted into the anus, try these massage options.

The Star Stroke: 

  1. Have your partner slowly and gently draw six lines from your anus out towards your butt cheeks - as if they were drawing a star. You want three strokes per side.

If your partner is doing it correctly, it will feel like a light stretch.

Scouts honour: 

  1. Have your partner place their finger on the anus and slowly draw circles around it 
  2. The circles get bigger and bigger the more they go around


You want this to be the third or fourth massage option you try so the anus is warmed up

  1. Have your partner touch your anus, then pull their finger away repetitively as if they are ringing a doorbell

Follow the massage with stretching: 

  1. When comfortable, discuss with your partner whether you’re ready for them to insert their finger 
  2. If you are, have your partner insert their finger to their first knuckle into your anus
  3. Have your partner gently pull your anus toward the north, then west, then east, then south


More Buttplay and 'Anal':

  1. After the massage, have your partner lube up your anus and their finger 
  2. Have your partner insert one finger into your anus
  3. Take deep breaths to help release tension
  4. When comfortable, have your partner insert a second finger or try a booty plug 
  5. When you feel ready, remove the butt plug or fingers and place a condom over your partner’s penis or sex toy
  6. With plenty of lube on your anus and your partner’s penis or sex toy, slowly insert it into your anus
  7. Once your anus has adjusted, your partner can begin slowly thrusting or gentle movements 
  8. When you and your partner are finished, have your partner gently pull their penis or sex toy out of your anus - this should be a very slow movement

Note: When inserting things in to yours or your partners' anus, refrain from using foreign non-body safe objects, and only allow things with a flared based (eg. booty or butt plugs) or a retrieval method, for example a string on anal beads. 


Exploring butt play has evolved from a taboo topic to an exciting, pleasurable experience. There are some great tips and techniques for anal sex and butt play. Research on the internet and experiment with them to enhance comfort and pleasure.

Mission complete - now what? 

Aftercare is important after a session like this as it can be a really intense experience for your body. 

Morgan recommends having your partner or yourself place a hand over the anus. Take a deep breath and think about the experience you just had.

Check in with each other - you can do this by snuggling up with each other and debriefing about the experience. How did it feel for you? How did it feel for them? 

You may also need to use the loo. You could feel gassy after the act, which is completely natural and may not necessarily be farts but rather the air that has been pushed into your anal canal after thrusting.

For more butt play tips follow



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