Me, My Mum And Missy Mini.

Me, My Mum And Missy Mini.
I know what this sounds like.

Either some weird sex story about me, my mum and a vibrator or my mum finding my vibe in my bedside table when she was looking for a lip balm.

Surprisingly it’s neither.

Mum and I have always had a pretty open relationship when it comes to all things sex, love and rock 'n' roll.

When I was 17 we were in the supermarket and I said, “Mum, can I use tampons instead of pads?” She stopped pushing the trolley, looked at me as if she’d seen the ghosts of Christmas past and said “are you having sex?!”

Unsure what the correlation between sex and tampons was I said “Mum, keep it cute or keep it on mute,” pulled up my hoodie, turned beetroot red and stormed off to the car.

But despite being completely mortified, it was that moment - and the following “you can tell me anything” chat - that started our transparent relationship.

Of course, there have still been some omg moments between us like the time I got my first boyfriend.

Knowing about my allergy to latex - and lack of funds to buy latex-free condoms - she marched me to Family Planning to get an STI check.

She was large and in charge and I was asking myself what fresh hell is this?

Then when I broke up with said boyfriend and suspiciously came home at 1am on a random Wednesday only to jump straight in the shower, she knew I had been at a guy’s house. 
The next morning she asked me 2 things. 

1. Did you use a condom and 2. What do you mean his penis broke?

It’s all been very c'est la vie between us so when she harassed me for two weeks about the pros and cons of Missy Mini, it wasn’t at all surprising.

Finally, I was the large and in charge one. “Mum,” I said, “It’s simply life-changing. If you’re not using a vibe, you’re not living.”

This led to a bunch of questions about how much MM is, is she worth it, is MM the reason you won’t settle down with a guy and give me grandchildren?

Jesus might have been weeping, but I was thriving.

After two weeks it got to the point where she needed MM more than she needed water and while some mums buy their daughter’s vibrators, I got one for my mum - well, technically Jo and Viv did.

They’re the real MVPs.

In the spirit of our transparent relationship, I patiently waited for a review - obviously not all the details but surely something like “Lillie, you’re right. I simply was not living before MM.”

But no. Apparently that’s where we draw the line.

Although, my aunty did tell her husband to buy her a MM and that tells me everything I need to know.

So, if you’re wondering what to buy your mum for Christmas… maybe MM or Tiff are the stocking stuffers she never knew she needed.



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